Graceful I Ain't

I bet on average that I trip/slip and fall, or crash, at least once a month. I’m not kidding – I am that klutzy.

I fell again this week while running. Actually I was almost at a standstill when I went down and somehow landed very hard on my right calf. I have been very wisely avoiding my usual ravine route because its ice covered and have been sticking to the dreaded asphalt streets. However, a full bladder necessitated a visit to the wooded ravine and I very slowly and gingerly made my way a few metres over the ice path toward a tree when my feet went out from under me.

As I usually do after I fall - but this time after writing my name in the snow in yellow - I continued with my run and man-o-man did my calf hurt. I convinced myself that the best therapy for it was running so I continued to trot along, up hill, down dale.

I got home and sat down for a few minutes to eat and then stood up to walk and was greeted with immense pain – it felt like my calf muscle was being torn away from my body. It was only for seconds but seemed like minutes – ever notice how time slows down in direct proportion to pain? I could barely walk and struggled up the stairs one at a time like the very young and very old. Getting up in the night to go pee was laboriously painful as stiffness would set in. I know have a large and temporary black and purple tattoo bruise forming on my calf but at least I can run with minimal discomfort.

Sometimes I think I am cursed for participating in sport when traveling: I broke 3 ribs in a mountain bike crash in Australia. I was sick and passed out and woke up in the back of an ambulance at Ironman Wisconsin 2004, and the following year I spent 2 hours laying on the side of the course trying to stay conscious. At the 2006 World Triathlon Champs in Lausanne, Switzerland I crashed at the end of the bike and after the race the medics wanted to take me for x-rays (I was like, ‘Dude, I just ran 10k, how could my hip be broken? Just treat my road rash and let me go’). Then at the 2008 World Champs in Vancouver I crashed with another guy going downhill at about 45km/h and skidded on my left side to a stop and more road rash. The other guy was knocked unconscious and I got another ambulance ride. It was more then 2 weeks before the wounds stopped oozing and I could get in the pool but couldn’t run for 6 weeks. My left hip still has edema fluid and sticks out more then my right. This past summer in Copenhagen I failed to unclip my bike shoes at a stoplight and fell over, but that hardly seems to count – no blood, broken bones, unconsciousness.

Who wants to come race and travel with me this summer? Paramedics preferred.