Transitions: Life, Lemonade and Triathlon

In triathlon racing there is a transition zone; an area where athletes transform / change from swimmers to cyclists and then from cyclists to runners. The goal of the athlete is to get through the transitions, T1 and T2, as quickly as possible. It is free time you can gain over your competitors.

In life we go through many transitions, some of our own making and we eagerly seek, like choosing to pursue higher education or to change careers. While other transitions are forced upon us: mourning the loss of family or friend, or being laid off from your job, being diagnosed with a serious illness. Regardless of where the locus of control lies that initiates the transition, either internal or external, adaptation to the new situation is fundamental for success. It seems it’s always about Darwin’s theory.

I write of this because today is the last day of my college program and marks the first day of my transition from full time student working only part time to a full time job seeker. This transition period is a time for me to integrate my previous experience and knowledge with my newly acquired skills and insight. Most crucially in my opinion, is that my personal values are also addressed in my work. My challenge, shared by many no doubt, is constructing a career – and life – that incorporates all these aspects to satisfaction. Essentially, I believe we seek to lead an authentic life: one of our own creation.

For me this includes not having to hide my HIV+ status. Why? Quite simply, if I am hiding my status I am giving it more power over my life. It is acquiescing to the pressure of stigma, of discrimination, and of AIDSphobia. It is giving in to fear. Been there, done that, ain’t goin’ back and nobody can make me. Life is far too short. By being public about being HIV+ I will keep the locus of control – the power - internal.

Instead, during this transition period, I am going to set about constructing reality from a dream. A future where I turn the tables on my personal battle with HIV. I will make lemonade from the lemon. I will use my HIV+ status to raise awareness and funds, to breakdown discrimination and stigma, and to facilitate personal growth in others and in myself. I will effect change. And I will do it through the power of the spoken word, through motivational speaking.

            My mantra as I embark on this new transition, this new life path? The only reason to give a speech is to change the world.

Race Schedule 2010: Giddy Up, Buttercup

Every one is different.

Jeez Louise, that’s a very Mensaian insight. As a long time student of the Thoroughbred Racing Form, I have learned that different horses react differently to the same training regime, and the most successful trainers are able to ‘read’ a horse’s often subtle reactions to training, and based on this, adjust training patterns and intensities accordingly so that the horse raced to its full potential. Move a horse to a different trainer and the horse’s performance may improve or decline depending on how that trainer’s workout plan ‘fits’ with that individual horse’s natural training pattern. Successful trainers adapt the training to fit the horse and not vice versa.

Much the same can be said about people’s reaction to ARVs – the medications that suppress HIV. People react differently to the medications in terms of side effects. For myself, I have been dealing with intermittent, mostly unpredictable nausea as a side effect of the medications for years. Since there seems to be little rhyme or reason to the onset of nausea, I have had to learn to live in the moment more. Get things done while I’m feeling well, and roll with the punches when I feel like crap. For me, adaptability is the key to successfully living with side effects.

But there is no getting around it, the side effects are a burden, and I got a greater understanding of the depth of their impact on my psyche recently by my (over)reaction to a friend’s good news. He recently had to start on ARVs and told me he had no side effects whatsoever. My knee jerk response? “Fuck you”. We both immediately laughed at my envy - and the absurdity of life.

Thus, the same can be said about triathletes – a training program that works for you and gets you fit, may not work as well for me. One need only consider the results of Tereza Macel. Tereza was a strong swimmer and cyclist and lead many races at the start of the run only to be hunted down before the finish line. Tereza had been a moderately successful professional triathlete for the previous decade, no doubt having been trained by a number of different coaches, before joining triathlon’s most (in)famous coach at his base in Asia almost a year ago. My, how things change: since joining the new coach, Tereza won Ironman Lake Placid in July, Ironman Canada in August and then finished an excellent 4^th at the World Champs in Hawaii. Imagine what her athletic resume would have been had she hooked up with him years earlier. Her coach is a former thoroughbred horse trainer.

Some triathletes will enter Ironman races without swimming, biking, or running those individual distances in their training and do quite well. Other triathletes – on the same training plan – will end up crumpled on the side of the course wishing for the sweet relief of death. Experience – in training and racing – has taught me that I cannot suddenly do extra hours of exercise. My body, not being that of a ‘natural’ athlete, demands incremental increases in intensity and duration. As a former fat bastard, if I’m going to be able to run a marathon after swimming 3.8kms and biking 180kms, I need to train up to, and a little beyond, those distances otherwise my body will break down and I’ll be looking for a taxi (just kidding) or ambulance (not kidding).

So what has all this got to do with my race schedule? I need to get myself a horse trainer as a coach, of course.

Race Schedule:

My two “A” races, my two goal races, are Gay Games (A) and Ironman Louisville (A+). But I am training through all races and only tapering for Ironman Louisville.

Note the preference of doing an iron distance race 3 weeks before my A+ race. Any opinions or thoughts, beyond taking out a life insurance policy on me?

All races in Ontario unless noted otherwise:

May 21-23: American Triple T (4 races, 3 days!), Portsmouth, Ohio – early in the season, this one’s gonna hurt!

Jun 6: Woodstock (1k swim, 32k bike, 8k run)

Jun 27: Welland Half Ironman (2k swim, 90k bike, 21.1k run)

Jul 4: Peterborough Half Ironman (2k swim, 90k bike, 21.1k run)

Jul 12: Gravenhurst (1.5k swim, 40k bike, 10k run)

Jul 25: Bala Falls (750m swim, 30k bike, 7.5k run)

Aug 1: Gay Games (1.5k swim, 40k bike, 10k run), Cologne, Germany – hope to hit the podium!

Aug 8: The Outlaw Iron Distance (3.8k swim, 180k bike, 42.2k run), Nottingham, England

Or plan B:

Aug 8: Bracebridge Half Ironman (2k swim, 90k bike, 21.1k run)

Aug 15: Toronto Island (750m swim, 30k bike, 7.5k run)

Aug 29: Ironman Louisville (3.8k swim, 180k bike, 42.2k run), Louisville, Kentucky – the little engine that could: <12 hours

Sept 11: Wasaga Beach (1.5k swim, 40k bike, 10k run)

Sept 19: Lakeside (1.5k swim, 40k bike, 10k run)

Giddy up, Buttercup.

Pretty, Witty and Gay

Don’t you just hate the type? I know, I know, its really just jealousy because they’re more attractive, or at least less unattractive, then myself. And cleverer – and not just book smarts either, but interpersonal and street smarts too.

But, I can hold my own in the gay department. I’m told that kittens know I’m gay. I’m so gay that I assume it’s self-evident to one and all. So I’m always shocked when anyone who has known me for a while says they didn’t know I was gay (ed. Ha, as if). My knee jerk response is “What? Did you just meet me?” I’m mean, like really, even Helen Keller knows I’m gay. Haven’t you heard my ‘accent’, the way I talk? The way I walk? Hell, for that matter, the way I run?

I’m not making that up – a friend and I went to a chi running clinic and after introduction to the concept and some indoor technique work the group went outside where we were videotaped while we ran about 50 meters so that we could then later analyze our running technique.

My friend, who shall remain nameless to protect his queer rep, is also gay but not ‘visible minority’ gay if you know what I mean. He’s – dare I say it – very stereotypically straight acting and looking. Since he would score so low on the gaydar some might even say he was gay challenged. Poor thing.

Anyhoo, as each participant ran down the path, the chi running instructor / coach would provide live commentary and analysis to the rest of the group on running styles, form and technique. She would say stuff like, ‘he carries his hands too high’ or ‘ she has low knee lift’ or ‘he should keep his elbows in’. When it was my turn her comment was ‘oh, he’s gay’. My friend said that she did not say in a homophobic or derogatory manner, but was just continuing her running style analysis. Just a knee jerk reaction I guess.

I remember the first time I heard my voice on tape. I was about 12 or 13 years old. My first brief thought was ‘who’s the gay guy’ followed immediately by ‘that’s me’ followed by ‘I’m the gay guy’. Didn’t spend much time in the self-denial phase. Didn’t have to, the pump was already primed. When my family moved when I was about 10, I had to convince many of my new classmates, strongly argue my case, that I was indeed a boy and not a girl. I can still hear one kid saying – totally sincerely – “are you sure?” ‘Only that your IQ is a double digit’ was my retort. He didn’t get it.

That is just one example of many times I have been mistaken for a girl. The most recent was during a race this past summer. It was a very small field near the cottage, 60 odd people, and we all started in the water at the same time – I think I was ninth out of the water, passed a couple of people in transition and was soon 4^th on the bike and slowly gaining on 3^rd who seemed to be looking back at me quite often, almost as if he couldn’t believe I was gaining on him. When I finally caught him he said, “Oh, I thought you were a girl”. Hmmm - does this mean I bike gay too? Didn’t hang around to ask him though, just pushed on harder so he could see the girly guy out bike and out run him. Take that.

Tangent - don’t know if you saw it in the media, but there was some kerfuffle again about gays in sport. The “hard-nosed” president and general manager of the Toronto Maple Leafs (they’re a hockey team) publicly supported his gay son. A father supports and provides unconditional love to gay son is news. Harrumph, he says cynically. Progress, he says hopefully whilst looking askant at Uganda.